Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
