just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I want to fling myself into the sun
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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