walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
