So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
