So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
