Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
