I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
