I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Randomize
