I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
