So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
