She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
