I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
