There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
