this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
