I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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