You can't special order awesome
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
