I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
my liver is dry heaving
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
My life is pants optional.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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