I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I cannot find my penis.
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Duck Duck Cougar?
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
