There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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