I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Randomize
