Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
These tits shall not be calmed
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
