GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
