I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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