i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
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