We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Randomize
