Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize
