And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
