i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize