We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
