I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
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