i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
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