nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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