We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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