i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
