I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
