i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
It's shark week go big or go home
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
