Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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