Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
