I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
