hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
