i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Randomize
