Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
