Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
