where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Your cock deserves a montage
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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