Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
