We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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