So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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