Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize