i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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