was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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