Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
nutella sex= disaster
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Randomize
