He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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