and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
