weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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