Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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