If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Randomize
