plz talk dirty to me
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
