If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
