your room smells of hookers.
And success
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
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