We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
