me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
