did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
