i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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