Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
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