Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I just forgot I was standing up.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
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