I showed him my bush... on skype.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
