Barsexuality is the new black.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
My ATM looks so different sober.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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