Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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