I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Randomize
