Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
