Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
