my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
