She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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