i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
