dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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