So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
