I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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