my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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